Cheaters Anonymous
Cheaters Anonymous
by Grace Harrison
I’m both fascinated and saddened by a website that promotes wanton cheating and infidelity. So then why did I find myself on it? Well, my sex life with my husband used to be the envy of friends. But after many years of marriage, my husband decided that doing himself was easier and faster than enjoying his pleasures with me. He neglected to realize that my appetite was left unsatiated and so with my pronouncement that if he wasn’t going to enjoy pleasures with me, then I’d find a lover who would. And so I cozied up to Cheaters Anonymous.
In my pre-married life, I had several “friends with benefits,” as the youngsters call them. They were a variety of guys and all were fabulous in their own ways. Yet, I wanted anonymity. I wanted sex. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a friend or someone to hang out with.
I checked out a website that specializes in married people who want to have extramarital affairs of the bedroom as opposed to those of the heart. The site has been in the news time and again for breaches of security. Yet, I didn’t care. I was open and honest with my husband that I needed sex, and if he wasn’t interested, well then I’d look elsewhere. I had no interest in leaving my husband or him leaving me.
This site didn’t allow me to cruise around and check out the available men. I had to create a profile, username, and password. It didn’t require any photo to start, so I left that blank. I did this all one Friday afternoon before my husband came home. 
When I woke up on Saturday, I had hundreds of personal messages in my inbox! I was a bit freaked out. I hadn’t even posted a photo yet. Like a bitch in heat, these dogs were suddenly sniffing around and trying to stake a take with me.
Were these men that desperate? Are there really that many men who want to cheat? Are they all married? And if so, those poor wives! I’m not a home wrecker. I just wanted sex! So here you may be wondering why didn’t I go on Match.com or Bumble or eHarmony or the zillion other dating sites out there. Or better yet, why didn’t I scream, yell, and demand sexual relations from my husband? I couldn’t force him to want me, and I wasn’t interested in dating. I just wanted to get laid. I just wanted a man to want me. Kiss me hard, suck my nipples, lick my clitoris, and enter me slow or hard—but enter me and make me groan.
It was outrageous. And embarrassing. Old guys, young guys, and guys in-between all showed their interest in me. There were actually so many responses over the course of a week or so that it was too time consuming to pick and choose. By the time I uploaded a couple of my photos, my inbox exploded. Literally. Who actually had all this time? And the men wanted to “talk,” exchange photos, and get to know each other. Geez. I thought they just wanted to get laid like me! Why were they here? I later learned through some research that there are 10 guys for every female on typical dating sites. That surprised me. I think on Cheaters Anonymous it was more like 300:1!
Most of the men wrote on their profiles that they weren’t looking to change anyone’s situation. Yet, they all seemed to want a relationship. I didn’t have time for another relationship. I simply wanted sex. But as a 50-something-year-old, I was wise enough to slow it down, breathe, and think a bit before simply deleting my profile and quitting with no results.
BlueBalls56 was my age range but lived in Florida. Seriously? I live about 600 miles west of him, so what was he thinking? A rendezvous thing?
Some men just had nasty user names. Were they thinking this would be a turn-on for women? Names like pussyeater219 (who couldn’t even spell in his profile), or 7yearitch2018 who was old enough to be my father. And then this imprudent guy, Colt77001 was in his early 30s, had photos of himself that were clearly identifiable along with his zip code? And what in the world was he interested in me for? Sounded like The Graduate to me, although I was certainly pleased with myself for a moment. That smug feeling quickly turned to distaste.
The best guy was LastManStanding. That just had me laughing with tears streaming down my face. Did he miss the innuendo that he’s supposed to be an upstanding guy? Or perhaps he has the same deal with his wife that I have with my husband? I wasn’t sure but either way, he wasn’t for me.
I made it clear on my profile that naked photos of yourself were simply a lack of couth, age range had to be within a field goal (or so) of mine, and that I was looking for someone who could please me in bed and not get entangled. Of course, I had some other parameters as well because when you have a huge selection of meats you can opt to be choosy!
After a week or so of cruising through the hundreds of men inboxing me, I settled on a couple of good choices. Although it felt like going to the butcher, I am satisfied and happy. And apparently, so is my husband.
Photo credits: theundercoverrecruiter.com and The Sex from deviantart.com by GloomyDaze (Melissa) from U.S.
